Daisy’s Guide to Football
Run, run, run… GO team!!! Oh sorry, you caught me rooting for my favorite football team. Football is a very fun sport, if you understand it. In case you are confused, I will teach you everything you need to know so that you can enjoy watching a Sunday afternoon football game on TV, too. First off, you must wear the correct apparel. This is my Dolphins outfit. It’s made of fleece so it’s comfy for an afternoon of lounging around on the sofa. Pants are optional.
The next important thing is the remote control. Keep this device beside you at all times so you can turn up the volume, fast forward through boring parts, or turn off the TV if your team is losing.
Don’t forget to stock up on treats! You won’t want to leave the sofa to prepare food while the game is on so I recommend a giant canister filled with freeze-dried chicken breast. First ask your mom if you can eat on the sofa.
On to actual game play tips. First of all, the game of football is very simple. It’s just a bunch of guys running around and chasing after a ball. What’s so hard about that? I’m already an expert at that game!
Sometimes there are breaks in the game. During these breaks, there are other shows on the TV called “commercials.” Mostly commercials are boring, but this one is funny because it has a camel. I like to pretend that I’m actually part of the commercial. Did I fool you?
Lots more running around and falling down and so forth and so on. When a team does something good, they are awarded points. The team with the most points wins!
When one of the players makes a serious mistake, these guys have to decide how to punish the team for the mistake. One of the most common mistakes is called “holding.” When my Mommeh holds me too long, the penalty I give her is a big bite.
I hope you feel that you have a good understanding of the game of football now. And I hope your favorite team wins every game. Go Dolphins!